I Am Not Afraid to Keep on Living ~Private~

" Not right now... but they do have money plans where if I go into traniing and serve 3 years i will get a house and all my checks will be sent to you. I can do this after a year. " he said. " We can't stay in your parent's house forever...if they would even let me.."

"Three years?" He would miss everything. Their baby's first word and first steps... just everything. While he was away training she would be alone raising a baby girl who would eventually learn what a daddy was and wonder why hers wasn't with her like a daddy was supposed to be. Ruby sighed softly and leaned against the car door, her eyes coverd by the hood on her jacket.

"Ruby.. I don't have to go" he said gently

"I don't know what will be the best." She whispered softly. Ruby knew that he was right that it wouldn't be fair to her parents to stay in their house for long, that it wasn't even fair to the child they would have. If he went to training they would get a house and have the money they needed to raise a child. But at the same time Dawson would miss so many things, even if she recorded them on video they wouldn't be the same.

"maybe.. after 4 years i will go..." he sugested.

They had a lot to plan out, much more than a couple with a planned pregnancy. "But by then we'll be starting to get our baby into a pre-school and we probably won't have the money." She didn't want him to leave too early before the baby knew him but at the same time she didn't want him to leave too late when the baby would need financial aid.

" but if I go then they will send you checks." he explained.

"Maybe I'll want to use them to get an apartment? To get us on our own feet and out of my parents house?" There were so many choices yet at the same time not enough. "I guess I could get one or two part time jobs on top of my fulltime job." she suggested, wondering if all of them would offer maternity leave.

" I can get jobs too." he said gnetly/

Ruby sighed and nodded her head. "You could." she said softly, though it sounded strained. "For now let's just stop. I know that this is serious but I really can't take anymore. I just want to sleep." She mumbled pitifully, starting up the car again and finally driving down the road to her house and getting out.

" Ok Ruby" he said softly and nodded.

Her parents greeted her and Dawson though she told them that she was tired from the trip and needed some sleep. After kissing them both on the cheek she went upstairs to bed. She undressed and got into her pajamas and then crawled under bed, her hair covering her face as she cuddled against her pillow.

Dawson didn't know quite what to do. SHe kinda just fell asleep and left him there to stare at her parents.

Sometimes when everything in the world was coming to fast at a person it was too tiring to bear. Right now the best advice to be offered was that he join her in bed and take a snooze as well. Ruby yawned softly in bed and rolled on her stomach briefly before rolling on her side, remembering that now that she was pregnant she couldn't sleep on her stomach.

Dawson went upstairs to join her. He pulled off his jeans and cralwed into bed with her.

Ruby looked up hearing the door open and smiled when she saw him in the doorway. "Hey," she murmured, looking up at him with sleepy eyes. She watched as he tugged off his jeans and gave an appreciative whistle before making room for him on the bed. "We could both use a nap." she mumbled tiredly.

Dawson laughed softly and crawled into bed and cuddled her. " I love you" he kissed her lips.

"I love you too." she whispered softly, happily kissing him on the lips. They had been apart for a little but he had come back to her and they were together. It was written in Heaven, they were meant to be together. As she cuddled up to him, she closed her eyes and fell asleep, at peace with the world for the time being.

Their hardship was yet to come. He had to face the realities of getting jobs, an apartment, their marriage licenses, insurance, and he had to make sure he put money away to cover the medical bills. It was going to be hectic. He did not know how her family was going to react to him. OR the fact how they were going to react to the fact that this boy they never met knocked up their daughter in africa.

For now, even if it was just for an hour or two, they had some time to pretend that they were still regular teens who didn't need to worry about such things. Smart teens who had waited until marriage to consumate their relationship, teens who didn't get pregnant and pull apart the strings of the snobbish, outwardly conservative society.

But then they would be the teens that had to take care of their baby.

Of course things weren't going how she had planned they would go at the beginning of her last year of high school but there wasn't much that could be done. She hadn't wanted to be the teen mother and never thought that she would be but of course she hadn't known Dawson then and she had never been in love. Already she cared about the baby she was holding and didn't want to get rid of it. She would just need to reshape her plans for her child.

Dawson didn't expect this to happen either. He didn't plan on falling in love but he did. He didn't have the best sex education. Lets face it nuns had a 0 tolerance for the act of sex. So he never really learned much other then, it goes up and it goes down and dream ejaculation was normal but masturbation was a sin. Well if spilling his ever replenishing seed was a sin he sure confessed a lot. He couldn't believe the he had gotten her pregnant. But he did. Life was amazing. He didn't want to get rid of the baby. He wanted it and she wanted it. So where was the problem? If both want the kid then the kid is going to be very loved and adored. thats all that mattered in Dawson's eyes. As long as she and the baby were loved thats what mattered.

While it was important for their to be love contradictory to the overrated Beatles love was not all that you needed. Love wouldn't buy them a house or get their kid into a good school. Love wouldn't give their kid something to be proud of. Bieng a pregnant teen was still not going to be easy even if she had Dawson by her side.

Dawson knew that. He was going to make sure they had all the needed.