Holly and I Only!!!

He was silent for a minute, in awe and shock. It means you have given yourself to me. You are my mate, he murmured. Though I am not yours...

Why not? she asked, her head starting to hurt again.

You've not drinken my blood. Once you do, talking to you like this won't hurt your head like it does now, he whispered softly. And you will be able to feel exactly what I'm feeling and where I am.

But the thought of you... scares me. she said, that day of him attacking her flashing in her memory.

He winced at the memory that came to her mind. I know, he whispered, sorrow and the pain of knowing he had hurt her filling his voice. I'm so sorry, he whispered. I would never knowingly hurt you, Lilli. Never.

Please stop. she begged. it hurts to much.

I'm sorry he whispered once again, his apology echoing weakly in her mind as he locked himself back into his own head.

Baily came back with Damon, smiling at how her son was back.

Damon unlocked Ryder from his bindings. "Welcome back, son," Damon told his son gently.

Ryder didn't respond, just sat where he was, his arms limp at his sides, guilt over taking him again.

Baily sat in front of him. "Lilli will forgive you. Take a shower then go see her."

"I scare her," he whispered, his voice hoarse from not using it in so long.

"That's why you have to go to her." She said.

"What will I say? I can't count how many times I've apologized," he whispered.

"You'll figure it out." She said softly.

Ryder grunted and got up slowly, making his way to Lilli's room. "Lilli," he spoke for the first time in six months to her. "I won't hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I was ambushed and they took most of my blood. I don't remember anything after that except for waking up to being chained to a wall in a white room. I thought I'd been taken and held captive. My first fear was that you'd been hurt or killed."

Jedi greeted Ryder happily but Lilli sat up in the bed, moving away from him slightly. "I know. But I can't get that image, and others, out of my head."

"What can I do to make it up to you," he asked, desperate for her not to be afraid of him. Why was he so desperate? He realized he'd fallen for her sometime. When? He wasn't sure. But he wanted to be her mate like she was his.

She looked at him. "Hold me? Let me cry?" she asked.

He nodded. "Anything," he whispered, opening his arms for her.

She moved a bit closer but wouldn't get out of the bed. She was still to scared to go to him but she'd let him move slowly to her.

Ryder moved slowly and sat on the bed next to her. He held her gently, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

Lilli moved into his arms and rested her head on his chest. Images of him tearing into her came to her mind and she winced. Slowly, she began to cry. Then she began to sob, something she hadn't done in six months. Because she was giving him so much blood everyday, all she did was sleep and eat or talk to him. But the pain of talking to him was often so great that she slept it off also.

Ryder winced, feeling the depth of her pain. She was brave, holding all this in for six months. Feeding him despite her fear for six months. He slowly and gently stroked her hair while she cried. He didn't try to soothe her, only let her cry. He wanted nothing more than for her to smile up at him like she had before he'd gone on patrol.

After a little while, her sobs began to slow, but she didn't move. She stayed where she was. "I kept having dreams." she said softly.

"About what," he asked softly, still stroking her hair.